Underconfident

And I’m writing to reach you all.

This post is more about me than the people reading it. I’m not sure when this post will reach you all. Perhaps a year or two later. I don’t know. What I do know is that I am now feeling underconfident. And if you ever feel the same way, I only ask that you feel me through my words for whatever I am going through.

Feeling underconfident undoubtedly reflects the insecurities you have and have yet to acknowledge. It’s not that we never attempted to accept them. It’s just the way things are. Sometimes they refuse to join us. I’ve tried it too many times and still don’t feel confident enough.

What I believe is that confidence is a result of your self-worth or self-esteem. And doing amazing things, such as achieving something, boosts your self-esteem. Achievements enhance your sense of self-worth. That is why today, rather than focusing on confidence, I will address self-worth directly.

Feeling underconfident feels so bad, but it’s like you only see the light of the stars rather than the star itself. You only see the light of confidence rather than the self-worth behind it. Because they are proportional. The higher the self-esteem, the higher the confidence. But there is more to that. It’s more about the mentality of an individual, too. Furthermore, some people are good at faking it, and thus you are trapped in their hypocrisy. These people are psychopaths. But trust me, I’m not one of them, so in all those instances when I felt confident, trust me, I was.

My confidence levels fluctuate throughout the day. That is my problem. What I want is to keep it steady or boost it as needed. But never decline it. Because my self-esteem is frequently lower than my real achievements, this is a problem that must be addressed.

I mean, if you have achieved n things. Your value should never reverse, i.e., n-1. As in my case, it always does. Another problem.

That means that no matter how much I achieve, I may always fall short of what is considered normal. That means that if I wish to keep it constant or over a certain limit, I must repeatedly prove or validate it. Another option is to keep track of each of my accomplishments in order to keep myself motivated and avoid falling behind. And I believe that’s a method to deal with it. Backup your system during downtime.

In simple terms : your achievements < self-worth < confidence < body language

This is the hierarchical fundamental we can drive from our so-far conversation.

But, believe me, feeling low-esteem stinks. It’s so painful when you know you’re capable of so much more. I am aware that I am underconfident, have low self-esteem, and may appear to lack a spark. But that is me today. And I have my entire future to do my best. The fundamental trait of someone who is underconfident is that they are readily impressed by another person’s mediocre performance, which causes them to become so anxious about themselves that they begin suffocating their potential with self-criticism.

One thing that all of you here must understand is that feeling underconfident was never your choice, because if it had been, you would never have acted like one.

It’s just that you’re very modest about your successes. That you were never designed to justify your worth through minor successes. That your worth has such enormous potential that it can only be filled by your accomplishments by performing life-changing, epic things. That your capacity and potential are so great that it requires you to take big measures rather than sticking with one job, one girl, and one set of insecurities. That it is beckoning you to break free from whatever is holding you back and fly like a rocket across space.

Underconfidence is a calling. And if you are lacking confidence, I would advise you not to strive to be confident at all; instead, simply be yourself. Just fucking look unconfident. Because when you are confident, you simply feel it. And no matter how hard you try, being 1% better will never make you appear that good. Because the only route out is straight, you have to travel quickly and far. Slow will not get you anywhere; it will only remind you of your lower worth.

Do something fucking insane. Concentrate on doing that one thing you always wanted to do that you think you connect to. Then, if it’s leaving that girl or guy, leaving that job, starting a business, or following your calling. Because self-worth isn’t just about achievements; it’s about your promises to yourself as well.

For example, one of your buddies offered to see you tonight but did not show up, which is something he does frequently. His value in your eyes will plummet as a result of his failure to meet his commitments. This is also true for you.

The promises once made, if not fulfilled after a given point in time, are going to drag your esteem down because then your brain thinks that this person is not capable enough to even keep his promises to himself.

So if you ever thought to take some life-changing step for yourself, then immediately go after it. Don’t keep your promises to yourself. Start that one book, start that one startup, start that one business, and ask them out immediately. Do it now. For God sake, just do it now. Do not let yourself down by doing things you don’t love.

I know exactly why I lack confidence. Why do I have so poor self-esteem? Because I have been performing the work I loathe for the past seven years. Despite the fact that they pay well and the jobs are secure, all of my friends are really thrilled to work there. But I couldn’t connect with being there. I enjoy my work at times, but most of the time I want to quit. Because I want to live a completely new life, which I know cannot be accomplished by being there.

That I know no matter what my package is, I will never like working there, that no amount of bonus would ever push me to give my all, and that I have finally discovered my true calling. But I just can’t leave everything right away. That if I’m writing today, it’s not because I have to, but because I love to.

I want to share my writings all over the world. I want to go out to millions, if not billions, of people and tell them how you and I are connected. That I am writing to reach you. I understand you. You are not alone. That I will continue blogging and engaging in such talks with you. That even if I have no way out, I am completely open to listening to you. That if I haven’t worked it out, maybe you have, and I’d like to know.

These blogs are not intended to generate publicity by employing too many interlinks and popular keywords, but rather to reach you. Not on YouTube, because that is not my strong suit, but rather through writing, no matter how traditional that may sound. A vlogger enjoys creating videos just as much as a blogger enjoys writing.

I’m not confident today, but when I think of my future self and the life I’ve planned for myself, I finally see the light. And that ray of light ignited the candle as a symbol of hope for me, giving me hope and courage to hold my head up. This awareness of my vision provides me the strength to endure in the present. This boosts my self-esteem to the point that I can smile again and begin to open out to others. That I forget about all of my insecurities and realize how shallow it is to think about them; that we are all insecure in some manner, so why put all of that pressure on me?

Counting my achievements and keeping a check on them, plus connecting with my best future self, brings my spirit back into my body. And I know that without action, achievements can’t be reached and the future can’t be promised, so I do what I see myself doing in the next 5 years and begin writing, reading, meditating, exercising, traveling, investing, making new connections, improving my English, and daydreaming.

Because that’s what I want my life to look like, and what I’m leaving is just the opposite side of it. My under confidence isn’t because my achievements are too low or I have a lot of flaws or committed mistakes, but because I’ve yet to start living the lifestyle I dreamt of for myself, and when that happens, every atom in my body will bloom once again, such that it won’t be just the light that will reflect the confidence in me but the fragrance too, even long after I’ve left the place.

See you again!