This entire idea of “bullsh*tting yourself” is based on these four tenets: outer validation, outward appearance, other people’s acceptance, and other people’s opinion. This is where the idea of “bullsh*tting yourself” as a whole comes from. The story goes that whatever we do that involves taking or seeking an external influence in our lives is just bullsh*t, which translates to time wasted, energy wasted, and mental serenity ruined.
The idea is that if you make decisions with the outside world in mind, congratulations! You are simply losing your sense of self because your decisions, judgments, and choices will no longer define your life. Then, where does your mental calm reside? It is no longer in your head or in your heart; rather, it is now controlled by external forces, which is the major reason I’m creating this blog: to advise you to quit bullshitting yourself.
Here we go:
Outward appearance
And as I strolled through the chaos, I gave a lot of thought to what people were probably thinking about me. I bought a t-shirt that was really baggy and had the Nirvana quote “None dies a virgin; life fucks us all!” printed on the back of it. Even though I adored Nirvana, I wasn’t given the option to put such an off-limit quote.
However, because I had to wear it because it was gifted, what was I to do? I anticipated that it would be odd-looking and draw attention. The truth is that nobody did, though. I simply thought about it too much.
This was not the first time I had overanalyzed a situation. I felt more self-conscious about my appearance than anything else whenever I was with a group of people. Say it was a presentation, event, or meeting, and the more self-conscious I felt, the less I paid attention to what I was supposed to do.
The outside appearance is the first consideration in this notion. The type of T-shirt you want to wear, the type of trousers you like, the type of piercing, and the type of tattoo you want, I suppose, should all be based on your own preferences when it comes to your appearance.
Spotlight Effect
I felt more uneasy and reluctant, and I had the impression that I was in the public eye and that everyone was judging my appearance and thinking about me.
I was freed from carrying a thousand bags over my shoulder the instant I heard this fundamental. I realized that this is not only my issue. We are all concerned about this. The irony is that they are also feeling self-conscious at the exact same time that I am.
This means that no one else is thinking about you at this time. Instead of dwelling on yourself, why not concentrate on the discussion you are having with your crush or the presentation you are giving?
Furthermore, if you are still self-conscious about your appearance, you are only bullshitting yourself. By failing to be present at the moment, you are obviously wasting the opportunity right in front of you.
So love yourself and accept who you are. However, there is still more to this story.
Outer validation
And when it comes to outer validation, I guess most people spend their lives getting validation from other people first. They do not seek validation from themselves for whatever they do; however, they want validation from other people, and if other people approve, then they keep doing that.
Although I think it’s not necessarily bad, I think your initial strategy should be to do what you actually enjoy doing. People’s validation of you should be considered feedback, which you should consider second in importance. If you like the feedback, you should keep it, but if it goes against your values, you should immediately reject it.
Feedback is, therefore, not always wrong, but it is wrong to adopt every piece of feedback into your way of life. You need to weed out input that doesn’t support your ideals and pay attention to those that do. This will improve both your life and your overall quality of life.
And watch out that you don’t alter who you are on the basis of other people, because if you don’t value your own values, you’ll totally lose yourself over time. You’ll forget who you were and what your values were, and you’ll end up in the abyss with no idea who you are.
Additionally, I can’t help but think of the adage “In this world where you can be anything, be you,” which I believe has a deeper significance that one must comprehend.
Others approval
From the third point, which discusses others approval. I think that by seeking the approval of other people, we have wasted a lot of time and a portion of our precious lives. For instance, asking for advice from others on whether I should go there, do that, approach this girl, or apply for this job?
In the words of Epictetus, “If you ever feel tempted to look for outside approval, realise that you have compromised your integrity.”
There are many such circumstances where we look for other people’s approval. However, why don’t we make an effort to realise that when we seek the approval of others, we are not viewing the event from our own perspective but rather from theirs? Thus, the perspectives of the two people may differ since everyone’s values are different.
Perspective is determined by one’s vision, upbringing, parents, culture, ambitions, and values. I understand that you should only seek your own approval if you are truly interested in doing anything.
However, seeking approval and discussing it with others are two different things. I’m not suggesting you shouldn’t talk to your parents or elders before making important decisions. Allow me to add that you should talk about it because, obviously, they have more experience than you do. In that case, you should discuss both the pluses and minuses with them. They will advise you on all dos and don’ts and will assist you in doing and avoiding certain things, but that doesn’t imply you should take their advice as a sign of approval.
You’ve already decided what you want to do and when you want to do it. And if you’ve already decided that you’d like to travel alone, all you need to do is talk to them about it; they’ll let you know what has to be done.
Others opinion
In the words of Marcus Aurelius, “It never ceases to amaze me: we all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinion than our own.”
The final topic I discuss is other people’s opinions. Yeah, You should definitely give a fuck about other people’s opinions. Yes, you should listen to them and consider them as feedback, but I would never advise taking such input personally. Hearing other people’s opinions might reveal a lot about them. Additionally, following such opinions blindly reveals a lot about you too.
I don’t think of this as an ideal way of living, but the majority of people do it today. They also don’t want to be despised for this reason. But in order to escape the judgmental prison of others’ opinions, you must learn to oppose them.
Opinions differ from person to person, which is their major characteristic. Let’s imagine there are 100 people in the room, so there will be 100 different opinions, each of which simply varies depending on the values and perspectives of each individual.
And if you start considering every piece of opinion, you’ll only start to lose sight of the fundamental rationale behind your plan, as well as the “what and why“ of what you were supposed to do.
When this happens, you shouldn’t listen to what other people think about your decisions, whether you’re looking for a new job, trying to end a relationship, pursuing higher education, or starting your own business. Instead, weigh the advantages and disadvantages and, once you’ve made up your mind, dive in.
You should listen to other people’s perspectives as well, but make sure they are from professionals who have been through the same stages, particularly the opinions of those who have succeeded in the expedition rather than those who failed. The biggest error we make is asking for advice from those who have failed. Since such people always have a myriad of excuses for failing, they will be more than happy to share each one with you. Even though an expert will also have thousands of reasons why something won’t work, at the end he will leave you with that one thing that worked. And for that reason, no opinion is ever important. Knowing your values will help you choose the option that is best for you.
So stop making decisions based on other people opinion. If you know your why, you know it. It’s that simple!
And as Seneca puts it best, “no wind is favorable if one does not know which port they are sailing to.”
Finally, keep in mind that most people’s opinions are merely the result of their inability to accomplish a task themselves. As a result, they will tell you that you won’t succeed, and if you are someone who places a high value on other people’s opinions, I assume that you will not make any significant contributions to society and will merely exist for the purpose of pleasing others.
Conclusion
You can quit bullshitting your life around by adopting these four life principles. Most of my problems were easily resolved after I understood these four fundamentals. I stopped looking for other people’s approval and just did what I was supposed to. I stopped being self-conscious and stopped seeking validation from others for what I was doing. Instead, I simply used my prior experiences to uplift myself and make an effort to grow as an individual.
I wish you to incorporate these habits into your daily life too, and watch as your life undergoes a remarkable positive shift.
In order to realize your greatest potential, go forward and accept change. As soon as you stop bullshitting your life moving forward, you’ll see the amazing effects these behaviors may have on your personal life.
Also, check out my earlier blog on the 3 habits you should start in 2023 as well!